Sunday, December 21, 2008

Rod Blagojevich Jokes

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested Tuesday for trying to sell a U.S. Senate seat. His family is so proud. Rod Blagojevich could go down in history as the only Serbian leader whose trial didn't end up at the International Criminal Court.

Governor Rod Blagojevich didn't show up for work in Chicago on Wednesday. Just his luck, it was national call-in-sick if you're gay day. He may have to resign as governor of Illinois but he's leading all polls to be the next governor of California.

Barack Obama cut all ties to Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich Thursday. He's also disowned Jeremiah Wright and Tony Rezko. Having Chicago as a hometown for an incoming president is like having a brother-in-law with a gambling problem and no car.

St. Mark's Episcopal in Chicago placed global positioning devices in their Nativity Scene figurines to halt theft. They're easy to track. Last year's Messiah is on his way to Washington and the donkey's been arrested for trying to sell a Senate seat.

Barack Obama said Thursday no one on his staff helped Governor Blagojevich try to sell his Senate seat. It's worrisome. Barack Obama knows that the first rule of politics is there's always room at the top, once the grand jury returns an indictment.

Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan asked the state Supreme Court on Friday to declare Governor Rod Blagojevich disabled and unfit for office. That's silly. If crookedness was a disability, Chicago would be known worldwide as the City of Ramps.

Barack Obama's chief of staff Rahm Emanuel refused to answer questions Friday about the attempted sale of Obama's Senate seat. He's desperate to get the press on to another subject. He just asked one of his daughters if she'd like to go missing.

The Weather Channel reported a huge mass of cold air sweeping into the Midwest on Sunday. The front was setting new records for low wind-chill temperatures. It was so cold in Chicago that Governor Rod Blagojevich was selling heated Senate seats.

Governor Rod Blagojevich refused to step down from office Monday when Illinois lawmakers began impeachment proceedings. It may take awhile. The legislature is trying to come up with the six hundred thousand dollars he's demanding to resign in disgrace.

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich didn't show up in the legislature Tuesday for the impeachment hearing against him for selling a Senate seat. It was easy to find him. He had to fly to Mogadishu to accept an honorary doctorate from Somali Pirate University.

Jesse Jackson Jr. was revealed Tuesday to be a U.S. government informant helping the FBI in a sting operation designed to catch Governor Blagojevich demanding cash for favors. His dad's not surprised. He knew his son was wearing a wire when he wrote Santa Claus a letter saying all he wants for Christmas is a tie with a hole in it.

Inaugural officials predicted four million people will attend the Inauguration ceremony. Every power broker will be there. The Illinois governor will be kept out of town so in the event of a catastrophe, someone will be alive to sell the government.

ABC News says Rod Blagojevich was a bookie with links to the mob before he was governor. Jesse Jackson Jr. just realized he was snitching on the Chicago mob. In lieu of flowers, his family is requesting that donations be made to his father's slush fund.

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was defended by his Chicago lawyer Thursday. He noted that tapes are inadmissible in an impeachment, and impeachment would taint a criminal trial. Dick Cheney just told his wife that snow or no snow, they're moving to Chicago.

Thanks to Argus Hamilton

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