Monday, June 23, 1997
Top Ten Signs a Mafia Boss is Nuts
By David Letterman
10. Keeps ordering hits on "that bastard Al Capone"
9. Had a guy whacked because he thought he was working for Batman
8. To look more like Brando, loads his cheeks full of styrofoam peanuts
7. He's the reputed head of the "Gabor Crime Family"
6. Instead of "The Godfather," he prefers to be called "The Fairy Godmother"
5. At McDonald's, order Big Mac, fries and drink separately instead of taking advantage of extra value meal
4. Three words: edible pinky ring
3. After you cross him, you wake up the next morning with his head in your bed
2. He's constantly whacking himself, if you know what I mean
1. His business card reads "mafia boss"