10. He seems to do really well for a guy who runs a candy store that's open one or two hours a day
9. His partner in the neighborhood 3-legged race: Vincent "The Chin" Gigante
8. For his son's birthday, buys him a U.S. senator
7. Your tomato plants keep getting singed by the cars exploding in his driveway
6. Tuesday: paper boy misses porch; Wednesday: paper boy gets "iced"
5. All his anecdotes end with, "So I blew his head off"
4. Two goons show up and make your wife reveal the family recipe for apple crisp
3. At their Halloween party, they bob for mob informants
2. After having an argument with his kid, your kid wakes up with the head of Tickle Me Elmo on his pillow
1. His lawn gnome is riddled with bulletholes
Thanks to David Letterman.
Best of the Month!
- Top 10 Most Wanted True-Crime Movies
- Chicago Mob Infamous Locations Map
- The Brothershood Mob Squad
- Teacher has Sex with Students, Then Threatens them with the Mafia
- The Chicago Syndicate AKA "The Outfit"
- Profile: Harry Aleman
- Protected Witness, Sal Romano, Testifies at Mob Trial
- Mafia Links of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons
- Firm with reputed mob ties flourishes
- Legendary Don: Mysterious and powerful, Joe Bonanno Retreated to Tucson, but Violence Followed